Lucid Love is an organization that was established in loving memory of my beloved first born, Johann Sebastian Cabada. Sebastian was first and foremost, a warrior! A warrior who endured the pains of bullying, assaults, a mental health condition and overall injustices. His story is one of triumph, faith and love.
From the day he was conceived, Sebastian’s journey was a challenging one. At 27 weeks into my pregnancy I had to undergo an emergency gallbladder surgery. Against all odds we both survived, but the challenge had not even begun. One week after my gallbladder surgery, I had to undergo an emergency C-section because I developed severe toxemia. I remember that day vividly, the doctor came into my room and advised me that she could only save one of us; my baby or me. I told the Dr. to save my son! Once again, my son beat the odds and we both survived. He only weighed 3lbs 8oz. but his courage and heart to survive broke the scale. Life then challenged him for the third time when he was only six months; he developed RSV and once again my boy beat the odds. But life was relentless and challenged him yet again when he was ten years old; life introduced him to Tourette syndrome. This mental health condition was not kind to my son. Unable to function “normally” he had to be placed on medication that robbed him from his childhood’s innocence. He had to learn how to control his severe twitching, blackouts, seizures and noise outbursts. Furthermore, he also had to endure bullying. Once again my son boldly confronted life and taught life to be kinder to him, but unfortunately it didn’t last long. When my son was thirteen years old he was sexually assaulted and unfortunately kept quiet until the second assault. On Oct 22, 2011 my son was brutally dragged by a car driven by kids who simply didn’t like him and bullied him since the seventh grade. My precious boy suffered severe road rash, a broken collar bone in three places, damage to the front lobe and PTSD. You would think that by now both him and I would throw in the towel and allow life to celebrate the victory, but we did not. After two months of intense therapy my son returned more determined to prevail. Before he could carry on, he forgave the individuals who assaulted him.
Unfortunately his happiness ended sooner than expected. On May 3, 2013 life came and took my son. Regretfully, he had turned to chemicals to free him from his emotional pain and by the time he opened up to me it was too late.
The pain of losing a child shatters your will to carry on. I had no courage and strength to live, but I did once I realized that my son accepted what life gave him and never complained. How dare I not carry on! How dare I not share his story! How dare I not make a difference after all that my son had taught me!
My son was a compassionate, forgiving, loving, and giving soul. He never told a soul of his struggles because he did not want anyone to worry for him; he was a selfless tender being. He gave unconditional love and fought for justice and acceptance of diversity. He once said, “Why must there be people suffering when we have enough land, food, water and shelter for all”. I did not understand it then, but now I do. My son never saw life as his enemy, he did not blame life for his struggles and he never got mad at life. He thanked life for challenging his potential! He was a warrior in all essence of the word! His message is simple, Love and Faith. Lucid Love was established to carry on my precious son’s vision of a better world.